Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
