Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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