the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
