It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
