shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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