Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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