i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
