I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
