I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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