god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
