STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
