I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
