put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
