I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's blow job season.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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