Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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