so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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