so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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