somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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