I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
