sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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