getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
