Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
