Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
