so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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