Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
