He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
