I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
