if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
