I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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