why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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