Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
