The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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