so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
