it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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