There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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