It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
