yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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