i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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