Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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