do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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