Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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