I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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