I hate all girls vehemently.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
