oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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