he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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