We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
