Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
