mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
