I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
