I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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