Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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