do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
