hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
