why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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