Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
