I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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