Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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