I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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