jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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