Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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