You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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