There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I AM VODKA MAN
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
