please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
