I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
