We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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