fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
there is glitter all over my balls
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
