Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
