Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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