I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
