Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
