Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
