We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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